


Aliens Told Me to Make Wet Sounds with Green Apples or the Script that Nobody Will Ever Fill

by totallynotnatalie



Category: GWA - Fandom, Original Work, gonewildaudio - Fandom
Genre: Absurd, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Elephants, F/F, F/M, Food Play, Frogs Eating Cotton Candy, Gen, Llama Fighting, M/M, Outerspace, Parody, Ridiculous Performer Requests, SFX Heavy, Underwater, Unicorns, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28159029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallynotnatalie/pseuds/totallynotnatalie
Summary: So, my mind got to thinking about how not to write a script and this is where it ended up...Obviously, this is not meant to be taken seriously in any way.This script was basically just an excuse to work as many ridiculous requests for sound effects and improv into one script as I possibly could. I don't actually expect anybody to ever fill this. But, if any soul is brave enough to perform this, please realize that you can omit any of these that you wish.
Relationships: A4A - Relationship
Kudos: 6





	Aliens Told Me to Make Wet Sounds with Green Apples or the Script that Nobody Will Ever Fill

**Author's Note:**

> This is a script for the GWA subreddits. Please contact me before posting an audio recording of this script anywhere else. 
> 
> The content is intended for 18+ audiences only. 
> 
> Feel free to modify the script to meet your needs.

[A4A] Aliens Told Me to Make Wet Sounds with Green Apples or the Script that Nobody Will Ever Fill [Shitpost][Ridiculous Performer Requests][Absurd][Nonsensical][Llamas Fighting][Frogs Eating Cotton Candy][Outerspace][Underwater][Unicorns][Fourth Wall Breaking][Food Play][SFX Heavy][Elephants] 

Background: This script was basically just an excuse to work as many ridiculous requests for sound effects and improv into one script as I possibly could. If any soul is brave enough to perform this, please realize that you can omit any of these that you wish. 

Serious Note 1: If you are ever insane enough to get to the point where you would like to post a fill, please note that the script works best if the audience can read it along with listening to your fill. It will make all the weird sound effects make a lot more sense. So, I would recommend advising them to do so in your post. 

Serious Note 2: A couple of these directions require you to put a lot of stuff in your mouth. If you attempt this, please be cautious and do not do anything that would cause you to choke. 

Fake Note 1: The aliens are meant to symbolize the character's relationship with their mother. It would be great if you could bring this out in your performance. 

Fake Note 2: There is lore that this couple is a reincarnation of Mark Antony and Cleopatra. This is mentioned nowhere in the script, but you must still convey it to the audience somehow. 

Fake Note 3: You, the speaker, are really hot. Below I will describe the physical characteristics of my ideal relationship partner:

[I am not actually doing this]

There is no reason that you need to know this in order to perform this script. I just felt like writing it. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

(Nervous) Hey babe, um I have a problem. 

Are you listening? 

Okay, it's a really weird problem. 

Yes, weirder than that time that I impulse bought that pack of a thousand bouncy balls and then tossed them all down the stairs. I don't know why you keep bringing that up. It was fine. They stopped bouncing eventually. 

Yeah, I know the cat still hates me. But that besides that point.

Anyway, can we focus, please? This is a way worse problem. 

No, listen. Um, aliens kind of kidnapped me...And they told me that they needed me for an experiment. And, well you know me. I'm always one to support the scientific method. 

Err, no I wasn't concerned that aliens just kidnapped me. To be honest, I didn't know that they existed before, so I was just kind of in awe. And they needed *my* help. And who am I to question the sudden arrival of a new species? 

So, I just kind of agreed to without hearing about any of the details. 

What? It seemed like a good idea at the time..

And um, what they asked me to isn't *that* bad. They just need to do a series of highly specific yet entirely achievable sexual acts. That's the experiment. And if I don't do it, they'll kill me. 

Yeah, I know this sounds like the plot of a bad audio porn from that stupid subreddit that I spend all my time on. But I promise that it's not. It's real and I need your help. 

(annoyed) I don't know why they need me to do it. They just do. Maybe they want to learn more about the human race? I don't know. But they only gave me twenty minutes. 

(yelling) I don't know who they have as a control group. Babe, that's not important right now. I need you to fuck me. 

(quieter) But highly specifically. Otherwise, this will become snuff and that's banned now.

(under breath) Except on Audible. 

So, we don't really have a choice. But please consent so I don't have to add tag a rape tag?

Oh, you do? Great! 

Ok, first I need to find two imaginary llamas making out and let them watch everything. 

[SFX of two llamas making out. Real. Not imaginary]

Ok, good. They're here. At least, I think? Just don't forget to imagine them or they'll go away. 

[SFX of angry llamas]

Huh, I don't know why I imagined them so angry. But now, I can't get myself to stop. 

What? It's like that whole 'don't think about green elephants thing'. Once you think it, then you can't unthink it. 

Wait, fuck. 

[SFX of angry elephants. SFX should somehow convene that the elephants are green]

Now, I have to describe what you look like without mentioning anything whatever so that could make you distinct from any other person. Um also, I need to mention the word loofah twice while I compliment you. And the compliment needs to be exactly 48 seconds...

Um, let's try.. 

[Improv talking about the person's appearance. Make no references to their gender or their clothing. The improv should be exactly 48 seconds long. You must use the word loofah at least twice. Must be coherent]. 

Oh, good. Um, I hope that put you in the mood. I think it made the llamas happy at least. It looks like some imaginary frogs joined them. I'm really sure how that's possible. But at this point, whatever. 

What? No, I wasn't thinking it. It must have been you. 

Er..

[SFX of frogs fighting angry llamas]

Um, I'm sure that they're fine. Let's not worry about it. 

[SFX of frogs yelling]

(louder) Anyway, now I have to undress you using only my teeth while reciting Shall I Compare Thee To a Summer's Day by the great William Shakespeare. And also all 'A's in the poem need to be silent...

I guess I'll do my best. 

[Recite Shall I Compare Thee To a Summer's Day with a sock in your mouth. Omit the As. The sock must be black.]

[SFX of frogs croaking should overlay this]

Okay, now I need to convey your exact position in the room through improv because the aliens just gave me a description of where you're supposed to be but, somewhat annoyingly, didn't actually tell me what I should say. Also, it needs to in the form of the haiku and mention the word scuba. 

[Improv as many haikus as you want to do this, but at least one must mention the word scuba]

Wait, fuck. I just thought about the frogs fighting an army of heat-resistant snowmen in the Marianas trench. 

[SFX of frogs fighting heat-resistant snowmen in the Marianas trench]

(underwater voice): Honey, can you still breathe? 

(underwater voice): Okay, I'm going to have to take us somewhere else...Um..

[SFX of a bowling alley with frogs and heat-resistant snowmen in the background]

Wait, no...too loud.

[SFX of the inside of a 1970s supercomputer with frogs and heat-resistant snowmen in the background]

No...there's no room inside there. 

[SFX of a kite festival with frogs and heat-resistant snowmen in the background]

No..we can't do it at a kite festival. Too public and I don't like that tag. 

Um...

My childhood treehouse? 

[SFX of tree branches with frogs and heat-resistant snowmen in the background]

But in outer space? 

[SFX of tree branches and outer space sounds with frogs and heat-resistant snowmen in the background]

[Frog croaking should continue through this next part]

I guess at least the aliens will get a decent view this way? 

Anyway, now I need to take my clothes off very loudly and use only sounds to convey at least different pieces of clothing that I'm taking off. 

[SFX of taking socks off. Must be socks, specifically]

[SFX of belting unbuckling]

[SFX of taking a hat off but really slow. Should be at least 10 seconds]

Okay, I'm naked. At least I think. 

Ugh, I wonder if I should imagine something to shut the frogs up? 

Hmm. Cotton candy? 

[SFX of frogs eating cotton candy]

Well, I guess that's a bit better. 

Okay, now I need to try to lick my elbow. 

Look, I don't know why. But it's on the list. We cannot question it. 

[SFX of elbow licking]

And then step on a bunch of lego blocks

[SFX of lego blocks falling to the ground and then crunching sounds]

Ow. Ow.

Ugh, this is fine. Everything is fine. 

Ow...

Okay, now I need to hug you for no reason while also describing for at least 97 seconds. And I can't use any words starting with G. 

[Improv describing a generic hug without referencing any description of the listener. This was once a request from one of my readers and now you have to suffer with me. Oh, and don't use any words starting with G]. 

Okay, are you aroused yet? 

No? Okay, would some penguins riding unicorns help? 

[SFX of penguins riding unicorns]

No? 

*sigh* fine

[SFX of penguins and unicorns fading into the distence] 

Well, let's try this then. I have to hit you in the face with your Victoria Secret Bra (trademark). Expect I need to use a piece of ham instead to create a better sound effect. 

[SFX of you hitting yourself in the face with a piece of ham]

Oh yeah. How does that feel, baby? 

Does that feel, good? 

Want more? 

[SFX of you hitting yourself in the face with a piece of ham]

That's right, baby. 

Now, instead of kissing you, I'm going to kiss the back of this book.

[SFX of you kissing the back of a book. The book must be at least 450 pages long and have been written at least 50 years ago]

Oh, the back of this book feels so good, baby. 

[More SFX of you making out with a book]

Oh, yes. Darling, come closer so that you can really hear it. 

[Turn to page 234 of the book and make out with it]

Oh yeah, that's it, baby. 

[Turn to page 176 and make out with it]

Oh baby, lie down so that you can check out this action from another angle. 

[Turn to page 359 and make out with it]

Okay, I'm as a close to turned on as I'm going to fucking get given this ridiculous scenario. 

Do you need me to warm you up more, babe? 

Okay, I'll taste you. And, by that, I mean I'll eat fruit noisily over your stomach. Which, I guess is close enough. Oh, and the fruit has to be green apples for some reason. 

[SFX so you eating an apple. It must be a green apple.]

Ugh, why would anybody choose this? It sounds nothing like wet sounds. 

But oh well, if the aliens insist. 

[SFX of you eating apple slices. There should be ten slices]

Mhm. Do you like that, honey? Feeling that sweet juice dripping down on you? 

[SFX of you eating two apple slices at once]

Oh god, babe. It tastes so good. 

[SFX of you eating two apple slices at once]

Oh, fuck. I want more. 

Oh, I wonder how much I can take...

[SFX of you attempting to eat three apple slices at once]

(mouth full) Oh god, baby. 

*apple-eating sounds*

Oh, fuck. That made me so wet and sticky...

(pause)

I mean, because, I'm covered in apple juice.

Anyway, can we fuck now? I want to get this over with. 

Great. Okay, I need you to lie at an angle perpendicular to me with your right hand pointed 45 degrees southwest and your left elbow pointed 60 degrees north. 

I don't care if it's comfortable. Just do it, so that we can get out of this outer space treehouse. 

Okay, looks good. But I also need it to sound a certain way.

Let me just place some grape jelly on my fingers and start sucking. 

[SFX of you sucking grape jelly off your fingers. Must be grape. Must use exactly two fingers.]

Okay, and let me place some strawberry pudding over your thumb and you do the same. 

[SFX of you sucking strawberry pudding off your thumb. Must be strawberry.]

Okay, now suck faster and start masturbating. 

[SFX of you sucking strawberry pudding off at least two fingers that are NOT next to each other]

That's it. Harder baby. Come on, just put everything out of your mind and focus on cumming. 

[SFX of imaginary green elephant teasing a lobster]

Goddammit, not now. 

Honey, ignore...whatever that is. Just focus on the taste of that pudding. 

[SFX of you sucking grape jelly off all of your fingers at once]

Yes, baby. 

Oh, fuck. 

Are you ready? 

Okay, okay. 

Oh, fuck. I am too. 

Mhmm, fuck, let's cum together. 

Oh, fuck, yes baby. 

Fuck, let's cum. 

Right. Now. 

[SFX should be a combination of the following: You orgasming, green elephants cheering, lobsters clicking their claws, penguins waddling, frogs croaking in celebration, and llamas just being llamaas]

Wow. Okay, so that was bizarre. 

I just...

I don't...

Let's just go home and never speak of this again. 

Does that sound good? 

Excellent. 

[SFX of a frog croaking]


End file.
